also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
