Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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