got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
