What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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