I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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