its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize