I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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