Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
