dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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