Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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