There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
