I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
