You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
