Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize