At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
where does the pee come out of this thing
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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