Porn is love you can see.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
