So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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