What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
