I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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