Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We just shotgunned beers for America
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
