Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
