Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
