Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
