1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
