Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
