I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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