Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
