gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
