No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
