ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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