champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I see more hoeing in ur future
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
