Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
