I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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