Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We are two peas in an std pod
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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