would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
