Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
