i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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