i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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