You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
