he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
