It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
