i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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