omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Randomize
