wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
