you traded sex for a burrito?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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