Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize