Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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