East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm really busy with my period
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