I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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