my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
