The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
