im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Even my vagina gasped.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize