There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
