I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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