i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
