yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
