So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
