Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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