I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
