don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
