Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
