Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
