i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
