At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
