I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
