The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
