i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
