just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
