There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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