I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
