I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
