How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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