i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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