"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
